I looked at my watch once again. It's been 25 minutes and she's late again… as usual. The best friend whom I had known for over 15 years now. We played together as kids, went to the same school and even the same college. I never had to search for a new friend my whole lifetime. Human heart is so weak for I don't remember when I started having feelings for her. But she never saw me that way and I didn't have the courage to speak my heart out. If there is anything that I have hidden from her, then it is the fact that I have fallen in love with her. This is the last time I would be seeing her for atleast the next few years. Tomorrow she's going to US for MS and I would be doing my MBA here. I am adamant of not going to see her off at the airport tomorrow because I am afraid that I could breakdown in front of her. That's why we fixed a meeting at the railway station. I am still confused whether I should tell her that I love her before she leaves the country. Will that bring an end to our friendship?
Another local train has arrived. I got up from the bench and did a quick scan for her in the crowd. "Looking for someone?" a soft voice said from behind. I turned around and it was her; I just smiled. We sat down at the bench and looked into each other's eyes. She was looking more beautiful than usual. When someone is always with you, you never realise the importance of that person. You only realise it only when he/she goes away from your life. "Why are you so quiet?" she said slowly touching my shoulders. "Don't go" I said. She kept quiet. I know that even she doesn't want me to leave me and go. If it hurts for me, it would hurt for her too. But the difference is it hurts for her because I am her best friend, not because she loves me. "I am sorry" I continued "That was a stupid thing to say. I know you have to leave tomorrow". "You have anything to say to me?" she asked lifting her head looking straight into my eye. Sometimes that soft voice and the innocent look makes me blurt out the truth. But I need to restrain myself from any such step for I could lose her forever. All I could reply was "Come back soon". "Anything else?" she asked again. "No" I replied still half minded to tell her how much I love her. She left out a deep sigh and fell silent again.
Did she want me to say anything else?I didn't realise it then, but its been 5 minutes and we hadn't uttered another word. Another local train arrived at the station; its horn cutting though the silence. "I should be going now, there is lot left to pack" she got up suddenly and hurriedly walked towards the train. It took me a few seconds the regain composure. As she rushed to catch the train, hundreds of thoughts flickered through my mind. 15 years of friendship and this is how you depart? Leave alone a hug, not even a good bye? Has she completely forgotten my feeling in the dreams of US life? Not even a single tear? When did she become so stone cold? All she is worried about is her bloody packing.The train blew another horn as a signal to depart as she entered the train. She slowly turned and looked at where I was sitting as the train started moving. That's when I saw her eyes; it was as red as coal, wet from the tears streaming down her smooth cheeks. From her eyes I could read it; she loves me. Damn you idiot, why didn't you propose her? I don't know much about reflex action, but before I knew I was running hard to get into the train which was now picking up speed.
To this day I don't know why I ran behind the train; after all I could have called her on her mobile. Maybe I wanted to be physically present during the most romantic moment of my life. A policeman blew his whistle seeing me trying to get into the speeding train. But I could hear or see nothing. All I could see was her looking at me in amazement from the footboard of the train.The last bogie of the train would pass me any moment and so would my last chance to get into the train. I have jumped into speeding train during all my four years of college, but into a train moving this pace was something never attempted before. But this was no time to equate speed and velocity as I jumped and grabbed the handle bar… or so I thought.
I had seen in Discovery channel how you don't remember some event because your brain fails to register something that happened so quickly. I got up from where I had fell, unhurt and wondering how the hell I got here. But then I noticed the train was slowing down and then came to a complete stop at a distance. Maybe it didn't have the signal. Tears of happiness streaked down as I was sure she would get down the train. I climbed on the platform and ran hurriedly towards the train. This is very romantic I thought; typical bollywood movie where the Shahrukh khan and Kajol running towards each other at the railway station in the climax. Coming back to reality, all I could say was "What the hell?". It wasn't her alone who was running towards me, there was a whole crowd of passengers rushing to where I stood and between them I spotted her; completely pale like she is in some kind of shock.
That's when I looked behind and noticed a crowd at the platform gathered a few meters behind and looking down at the tracks. Oh my God… the train has hit someone and that's why the train has stopped; so the whistle of policeman was not for me after all. I didn't dare to look at the tracks coz the sight of blood makes me puke. I ran towards her panting and said "I love you". But she didn't respond and kept walking with the crowd. "You idiot!" I said to myself. I was so ashamed; some guy has just died and she is definitely terrified by the whole thing. Since she was watching me when I was running with the train, probably she had also seen the guy get hit. You have ruined the best moment of your life, a voice told me from inside. If only I had told her this after she had recovered from the shock. The way she reacted when I proposed, I felt she was too disturbed that she even heard it.
Anyway I jogged back and walked silently near her as she walked to the spot of accident. I was thinking whether to put an arm around her but decided to leave her alone. Just in case she did hear me propose, it's better not to say another word or touch her until she speaks first. She made her way through the crowd and I quietly followed behind. Ehw… is she really planning to see the dead body? When did she become so brave? I could smell fresh blood and I didn't dare to lean & look down. She slowly advanced forward to the verge of the platform and held the shoulders of a lady who was also looking at the body. Well, she caught a strangers hand and not mine. This meant she did hear me propose and the answer was definitely a big NO. I bit my lips with broken heart as I watched her slowly lean over the platform. Suddenly she fell backward on her knees and started brawling like a kid. She hanged on to the saree of the stranger and the lady tried to console her.
I wanted to help her back on the knees, but she was already receiving too much attention from strangers around her trying to do the same thing. They helped her on the feet and helped her on the bench. I silently went and sat beside her. A lady gave her water and kept rubbing her back. I knew she was a good girl at heart, but so much emotion was quite embarrassing. I mean it's ok to cry so much if a family member had died, but this was uncalled for. I should have stopped her from having a look at the accident, after all what did she except to see; a circus? She was still crying in the arms of the lady and still in a state of shock. People were still gathered around him and I could hear murmurs of how stupid it was for him to try and catch a running train. I then realised that it could have easily been me. I thanked God for keeping me alive, but felt bad for the guy who wasn't as lucky as me. Should I go and see it for myself? Maybe I should, otherwise I would never know how she feels at this time. I got up from the bench and slowly walked forward mentally preparing myself for the gross sight. I blinked my eyes, clenched my fist hard and let out a heavy sigh as I prepared for the first look. Slowly I leaned forward and looked down. My world was turned upside down as I saw the motionless body. I got to see the face of the dead man. I'd seen my own face, dead as a rock. !!!
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